Why would anyone need a sex coach?
Because no one is taught what they really need to know – how to know yourself and what you want, how to communicate easily and authentically, how to cut loose and play, how to be both selfish and generous in the best ways.
I define sex in the broadest sense – a full range of affectionate and sensual play and erotic expression. It’s way more than genital contact, and may not include genital contact at all. Most of what makes the difference between ho-hum sex and astounding sex is learned before ever getting your clothes off.
You already know what body part goes where. Coaching enables you to find the rich, creative, playful, heartful, passionate and cosmic possibilities.
Or – if you are struggling with sex and affection, coaching helps you find the key that brings you ease so you can relax and enjoy yourself however you like.
Do I have to get undressed?
No.
Can I get undressed if I want to?
Never on the first session. Sometimes later for bodywork.
Do you get undressed?
No. If we have been working together for some time, there may be times when it is appropriate for me to shed some layers, but this is discussed carefully ahead of time.
Can you teach us better techniques for hand sex or oral sex?
Yes, definitely, though it may not be the way you imagine.
The touch I teach is not a technique but a way to discover and develop a quality of presence in your hands. They become perceptive, sensual and incredibly inviting. From there, and only after that, will I teach you strokes. Strokes without presence are not worth much.
Can you teach us to give each other an erotic massage?
You bet. Lots of fun.
Can I come just to get some loving human touch and connection?
You bet. This is a perfectly valid reason.
I have a really hard time with sex and intimacy. Can you help me?
Yes. Because of the pervasive confusion about touch, choice and sex, many people have a hard time. It’s no wonder.
What I teach you and guide you through empowers you to know your desires and limits and communicate them. This is what frees you to relax and enjoy yourself, and these skills are learned completely clothed. They make all the difference in the world.
Sometimes it also helps to have some experience with me, touching, talking, getting close and cuddling. We can do that.
Are you a surrogate?
Much of my work is surrogate-like in that I interact with you through touch, cuddling, role play and affection.
Sexual Surrogacy is not licensed in Washington. There is training offered in California through the International Professional Surrogate Association, but I did not train there.
What is your training?
Sadly, there is very little training for the work I do. In fact, I am developing training programs for others.
My qualifications are based on my professional experience in working with people in holistic health and counseling for many years and then adding to that my own personal sexual journey over the last 15 years.
Much of my erotic journey was sparked and supported by work with the Body Electric School, including assisting at many workshop for women and for men and women, and the Sacred Intimate trainings they offer. I earned my Sexological Bodywork certificate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.
I currently teach boundaries, assessment protocols, consent and communication to other sexuality coaches and sexworkers of many kinds.
Are you a sex therapist?
No, I am a coach. Occasionally I refer people to therapists if their needs are beyond my expertise. If you are under the care of a therapist, I will be glad to talk with them, with your permission of course.
One big difference is that your therapist will not touch you or interact with you in physical ways, whereas I can.
I’ve heard that sex can be spiritual. Can you show me that?
Yes. That’s a big question. There are many ancient traditional approaches to this and quite a number of modern ones as well.
I do not teach secret tricks – that’s not what it’s about. My approach is to help you find the deepest experience possible for your heart. Its really quite simple. It’s a journey of a lifetime, inquiring into yourself and your heart, developing your ability to stay present, to get off the goal, to open your heart and show up fully.
Calling something ‘spiritual’ or ‘sacred’ is a way of bringing to it all the attention and care it deserves. As you develop that natural capacity, as you learn to really show up, you realize that everything is ‘spiritual’. How can it not be?
So yes, I can show you how to show up, deeply, sensually, powerfully, sweetly, erotically, with all your heart. If that’s not sacred, I don’t know what is.
Is this tantra?
Pretty much the same answer as the last question.
I have had experienced tantra teachers tell me: ‘This is the most tantric experience I have ever had and you never even said the word tantra.’
Is this legal?
Sexological Bodywork is a legal grey area, as is Sexual Surrogacy. Prostitution is defined as sexual contact for the purpose of gratification. Bodywork, coaching and surrogacy can, in some instances, include sexual contact but the propose is entirely different.
Coaching, consulting and non-sexual bodywork are of course entirely legal.
How many sessions will I need?
That depends on you. Occasionally people get everything they need in one session. Certainly you will take home new insights and skills right away.
Others who are on a journey of healing or of exploring the deeper reaches of eroticism, choose to continue for years.
Most people find that a few sessions give them what they need to shift their experience. I recommend planning on 3 sessions to start with and then see if you want more after that.
How do I get started?
Email me or call me for a phone chat of about 15 minutes to answer your questions and give us a sense of whether I have what you seek. If so, we will make an appointment.
If you are a couple, it’s best if you can make this choice together. It rarely works to give your sweetie a surprise.
If you are a man-woman couple, I will want to talk to the woman, especially if she is a little reticent. I will be able to set her heart at ease about seeing me.
