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This blog
These posts are in no particular order – they are here because it’s the easiest place to put them! Most are for practitioners, but anyone is welcome. There are a few personal odds and ends as well. I hope you find them useful. Wheel of Consent here.
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Ongehoord!
Here’s recent podcast with Marije Janssen – we cover the Wheel, of course, along with trying to define sex, sexuality, consent. Requests, offers and invitations. Also debunking a few consent myths. The first minute or so is in Dutch. Then the conversation is in English. Thank you, Marije! Ongehoord! aflevering
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Can you play with the Wheel by yourself?
This is a question that came up recently and I’d like to answer it. The Wheel of Consent is a diagram of what happens when 2 (or more) people make an agreement about touch. It’s also more than that. It describes dynamics that occur between people who have not agreed,
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What is Like a Pro? And What is the Wheel?
Thank you, Carole, for inviting me, and offering this interview. I look forward to being there!
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A Team of 3: You, Your Client, and their other Helpers
This is a recent webinar, with my friend Dr. Susan Kaye, about the Triadic Model, and the Expanded Triadic Model, in how to work with other professionals in support of your clients. Therapists, counselors, coaches, bodyworkers, touch practitioners, sacred intimates, surrogate partners, cuddlists, sexological bodyworkers, escorts and massage artists.
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Sharing the Wheel of Consent
Thank you for asking about sharing the Wheel of Consent – I am thrilled that so many people are finding it useful. It’s gone around the world ahead of me! Below – a letter from me about that, and this video. Thanks! Please use these free hand-outs: https://bettymartin.org/download-wheel/ Another video
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‘Thank you for taking care of yourself’
‘Thank you for taking care of yourself’ – That’s a sentence you’re bound to hear if you attend various workshops that have anything to do with touch or consent. However I have a big problem with it – so I explained why to someone recently. ====== Here’s (part of) an
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That word, ‘Energy’
Someone recently wrote to me, saying that they are working on their presentation for a conference (in Montreal!) and they had heard that in my classes I prefer people to not use the word ‘energy’, and asked if I would explain why. Word gets around, I guess – Montreal! (http://amours2.com/)
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Sex work, men and women and the Wheel, Trust, Choices and Integrity
A conversation Manuel Harand in Vienna. Manuel asks about, and we talk about, how I started on this path, what sex work means, how men and women differ (in general) in exploring the Wheel of Consent, how we learn to trust, what happens when we learn to take responsibility for
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Sexual healing – which modality?
Here’s an email from my archives – about why people might choose a surrogate over other forms of help or touch. Hi Betty, I met you at the recent **** Conference. My name is J_ and I Am a PhD Psychology Student at ****. Hope you are doing well. I
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2 Hand-outs
Woo-hoo! It took a while but here ya go – A 1-page booklet on the 3 Minute Game … and the shortest possible explanation of the quadrants. To print: Set your printer at 100%. (Your printer’s default is often 96%). This makes the folds come out right. To fold: www.youtube.com/watch?v=21qi9ZcQVto
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Webinar Recording: Working with other practitioners
Here’s the recording of the webinar with Dr. Susan Kaye and myself. We talk about the Triadic model – therapist, client, body practitioner-or-surrogate. What the practitioner needs to know and what the therapist needs to know. Here’s the training we have coming up in October in Philadelphia: Like a Pro
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Interviews
Here’s the lovely Charlotte Cronquist, who took Like a Pro last year in Berlin. Most of her podcast is in Swedish, but for us she switched to English. This is not about the Wheel of Consent, but more about my personal journey and changes. About 35 min. Thank you Charlotte!
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Letter to a Christian
This is an exchange from a few years back – name is changed, of course. The inquiry came to me via my companion website, hence the name, ‘Beth’. Dear Beth, I am a committed Christian and that is the course of my spiritual/ faith growth. If it wasn’t for my
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The Bossy Massage
(40 min.) I discovered this one somewhat by accident, some years back, and the more I play with it, the more powerful I notice it is. The point of this one is not the ‘massage’. It’s not the touch at all – it’s the process of noticing what it is
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Joyful Embodiment – another webinar!
Another webinar! A follow up to the previous one, this time with Deej Juventin and Uma Furman. The 3 of us are facilitating In the Field, an advanced training for Sexological Bodyworkers, and Growing in Embodiment, a 5 day retreat for anyone who is ready to enjoy themselves more in
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Joyful Embodiment – a webinar
[Video here – audio is below, which you can download] February 15, 2016, with Betty, Katie Sarra of Dawlish, UK, and Curt Mason of Sydney Australia. Yes, the irony is not lost on me, using a webinar to talk about embodiment! Nevertheless, we do explain a few things and take
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Teaching your Client to Touch
Here’s the recording of our free teleclass on Jan. 6, 2016. Here you get to hear about the basic principles as well as some steps to take. (Includes bonus topic – why Betty hates the word ‘appropriate’) ======================== Teaching your client to touch (1 hour) To listen: click the link.
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Thoughts on the Taking Quadrant – with Harry
(5 min.) I love Harry! Here’s a clip (from a longer conversation) in which we ruminate on things related to the Taking Quadrant.
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Q&A on the G-spot massage
(11 min.) I have a very different view on the G-spot massage than most people. Recorded at Like a Pro, Oakland, 2014.
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Learning you have a choice
(12 min.) This is somewhat of an extension of the Bossy Massage – same principle. The receiver, or ‘client’ directs every step along the way. Once I started playing with this one, I heard that someone else was doing something similar (Clinton Callahan) and that he had had excellent results
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Sex work, healing work (audio)
One of my favorite topics! ~ What is the intersection of sex work and healing work? And what are they, anyway? (1 hour, May 2011) To listen: click the link. To download: on a PC, right-click – on a Mac, control-click and save-link-as.
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How to play the 3-Minute Game
(14 min.) Thank you to all the friends who so generously starred in this video! DOWNLOAD THE BOOKLET: Letter Size, for US A4 size for Europe, Australia and UK WHERE IT CAME FROM: Here’s a conversation with the inventor of the game, Harry Faddis, with another description of how to
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3 Calls on Consent – for practitioners (audio)
Here’s a series of calls from spring 2015 – Beyond the Basics, for practitioners. This is one long lesson, but in 3 parts. To listen – just click the link. To download – on a PC, right-click – on a Mac, control-click and save-link-as Call 1 – Never ask permission
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Notes on teaching the Wheel
(20 min) After the Like a Pro class in Berlin, a number of students had questions about teaching the Wheel of Consent to their students and clients. The short answer: Take what is useful and add it to what you’re doing Don’t try to explain the whole thing!
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What we have backwards
( 6 min.) Here’s a clip about what most of us body workers have backwards. We tend to think the doing is what counts – but there is another piece that has far greater ramifications, both in the moment and long term. From Like a Pro, Oakland, October 2015
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The moral issue of our time
this is an email i wrote a while back, in response to a question to a group of us (my extended family), by my son, wondering if the climate crisis was the moral issue of our time, and asking for the christians in the group (of whom i am not
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Notes on becoming an elder
This is not a well formed article – just some notes from last weekend. Might as well put them here as anywhere. Met with a small group of elder women friends, my peers, to talk about this, and these are some highlights for me. Difference between an elder and an
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Facilitating Groups (audio)
I love facilitating groups – I love that people learn so much from each other, and both challenge and support each other. I’m part of the teaching team for Foundations of Facilitation and the Cuddle Party Facilitator Certification course. These 2 tele-classes were with my co-facilitators – Marcia Baczynski and
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For practitioners: on taking turns, receiving and being a client
Harry and me: get on the table, dear!
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Shame and empowerment in hands-on session work
(24 min.) An overview of basic principles about hands-on session work – what it is that creates awareness and empowerment and why the choosing is more important that the doing. This was some last minute brainstorming at Like a Pro, Oakland, October 2015.
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Receiving, giving and one-way touch (audio)
One Way Touch ~ How it works, how to love it, why it feeds you. What you need to know as a professional. This was at the request of a few Sexological Bodyworkers. (45 minutes, includes questions at the end, July 2011) Receiving and Giving ~ Each of these feeds
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Sacred Sexuality (audio)
Is it a useful concept? Hmmm . . . depends . . . Sacred Sexuality ~ What’s the fuss? How and why it can be helpful and how it might not be. And what is it anyway? (1 hour, August 2011) To listen: click the link. To download: on a
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2 more on consent (audio)
A few more from the files . . . Consent, Boundaries and Mentoring professionals ~ I am interviewed by Laurie Handler on her WebTalk Radio Show. (about 45 minutes, June 2011) Consent ~ Consent is more than permission. What’s a request, an offer, an invitation? How the art of consent
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Happy Birthday, Bonny!
My new friends at Angsbacka retreat in Sweden, sang happy birthday to my daughter, back in the USA, who turned 35 that day – thank you all!
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A conversation with Harry Faddis
(1 hour) Harry Faddis is the inventor of the 3 Minute Game – thank you, Harry! This spring I got to finally meet Harry and we had a nice long talk about that and more. (The 3 Minute Game is what gave rise to the 4 Quadrants and The Wheel
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Options – what to offer your clients
Here’s the short version – just a definition. Below is the full version, with more questions and discussion with the practitioners there.
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2 workshops: In the Field – and – Growing in Embodiment
(5 min.) Last year I had the great good fortune of teaching with Uma Furman and Deej Juventin in Australia. Next year we offer the same thing in the U.K. This event was so fun and deeply transforming for everyone, practitioners and participants alike. Come join us!
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Ethical Practices: Containers, Conversations and Assessment Protocols for Somatic Sex Educators and other Sex Workers
Here is the recording of last week’s [March 2016] webinar, presented by The Somatic Sex Educators Association of Canada. The prevailing theme is – What is best for the client? We discuss: the client’s feeling of safety as enabling them to do their most meaningful work the importance of the