Letter to a Christian

This is an exchange from a few years back – name is changed, of course. The inquiry came to me via my companion website, hence the name, ‘Beth’.

Dear Beth,

I am a committed Christian and that is the course of my spiritual/ faith growth.  If it wasn’t for my faith I never would have left a well paying job to serve others for very little financial reward.

My question is basically can one have the faith I have and practice the tantra art and benefit from other skills you have to share? Your art/beliefs seems one of living in the moment for the sensations and joy and based on another set of beliefs.

I have tried tantra on two occasions and just felt frustrated in the end by what I was asked to do.  The experience was mostly just breath control and digging from within for the “excitement” not the coach’s body or presence.   Of course I also felt guilty for wanting to just enjoy myself in moment. The coach made the point that the session was not about her body and stayed clothed, though I had seen her nude before. I want more than a fleeting sexual satisfaction and I know that is not what you and tantra are about.    But I have the guilt thing going on that this is a practice or pleasure I should not try or enjoy. Even though I want to go that deep and be satisfied on levels I am fearful of stepping out of the norm.

Can you talk with me about the conflict that I feel between my beliefs and an interest in practicing tantra with a coach like yourself?  You do have great smile and I’m sure I would easily trust you in person, which is why I chose to write you this email. Bonus question would be, what sets you apart from other teachers?

Thank you for your time and I hope you have a nice dry sunny summer.


Greetings, B—,

Thank you for your questions, and the short answer is – yes!

First, thank you for your commitment to be of service, for leaving your presumably comfortable home to travel. That’s a great blessing for others, and will be to you, too, probably in ways you did not expect.

The Christian faith – I was raised in the faith myself, and I am going to guess that in this conversation, it means that you choose to reserve your sexual expression for within your marriage, or future marriage.

So I’m guessing that your question about whether you can learn from someone like me, means, can you learn anything useful about your sexual life and potential, without having sex with me. The answer is – yes!

That is true for several reasons. One is that the secret to learning about sexual enjoyment is actually learning about your own body. That very same body that God made with muscle and bone and an extremely complex system of pleasure sensing nerves and brain cells. Nothing else like it on the planet! Quite amazing.

There’s a few things I’d like to reassure you about –

Your body is God’s creation.

Your body is good, and every function of it is good. One of its functions is enjoyment, pleasure and delight. (Read the Songs of Solomon)

Like every gift of God, it’s up to you to choose how you use it. You have chosen a particular path of faith, which helps you decide.

You are absolutely not alone in your fear of going out of the norm. Many people share that, religious or not. In spite of modern Christianity’s emphasis on the norm, it is founded on people, the disciples, who went WAY out of the norm.

If we were to work together in Seattle, I would never guide you into any activity that is outside your convictions. In fact, the first thing I teach is how to take responsibility for your desires and choices and experience, and how to set your own limits.

I would venture a guess that you have some version of the following beliefs –

1) It’s not OK to enjoy your body (or much of anything else)

2) Sexual happiness is a big mystery and has something to do with a woman – that is, it’s something she gives you somehow. If only she will do the right thing, you’ll be taken to some amazing place.

3) When you find her and marry her, you will magically know what to do together.

The truth is that the first step is always your own body. If you can’t feel your body, it doesn’t really matter what anyone else does to it, does it? And if you can feel your body really well, the simplest thing can be amazingly enjoyable.

Of course it’s natural to be interested in, attracted to, even fascinated by a woman. That’s how we get the next generation! But the secret to your happiness does not reside in her. It resides in you and only you. That is the real discovery to be made. If you believe she holds the key, you will always be reaching for it.

That is not to say that there are not wonderful mysteries to discover together. Of course there are. It IS to say that you cannot obtain it from her. You already have it.

These are the skills I teach. How to find yourself in the wonderful amazing blessing called your body. Then you will be able to share it when the time is right for you. And you will have the skills to do that (which are not magical, by the way, but learned).

I’d encourage you to look through your new testament and see if you can find anything that tells you not to enjoy the wonderful creation of your body. I don’t think you’ll find it. You can start with the 6th chapter of Matthew.

My personal belief is that the teachings that make you feel ashamed and guilty to enjoy are not from Jesus but from people. And you are certainly not alone in that one either.

Our differing beliefs – you probably believe that the spirit is good and the body is bad, or at least suspect, or trouble. I believe that spirit is good and body is good. More accurately, to me they are ultimately the same.

As for the bonus question, of why I would be a good person to learn with, I think I’ve answered that.

Blessings on your life and work,


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